Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Kukke Subrahmanya

How it started?

Suddenly i got a gtalk query from RP, she was asking, whether a southwest facing house was ok. And so i hit upon guruji’s website and found news about Kukke Subrahmanya. Frankly, i was not thinking about my Kalasarpa dosha then. I just wanted to run out of hostel, far from the madding crowd, far from the hectic term 4.

I called up mom and started to plan the logistics the moment she agreed to come. After thirunaageswaram, and kodumudi poojas, i had become skeptic about the efficacy of poojaris. And right after i booked the train ticket and ksrtc bus tickets i hit upon a blog, that described the turmoil they had faced when they wanted to do a parihara. I was disturbed, never before had such mental blocks been created, even before i had started for the trip. I was frankly considering cancelling the trip, catching a bus home. But lo, i decided to carry on with conflicting thoughts. I had my last deliverable on aug 31st, which was postponed to sep 1st. Our bus was at 9:15 pm in majestic and i found myself, keying in the deliverable till 8:15 pm. I uploaded my project report around 8:20 p.m. I didn’t even attend calls from my friends the whole day, hurriedly boarded the auto at 8:30 from campus. We reached exactly at 9:15 pm and i frantically rushed inside to search for platform 5A, after being guided thus by the security in ksrtc busstop. Finally managed to spot the bus, mom was thoroughly hassled by my antics.

Trip and Day 1

The reason, i had booked for sep 3rd was coz, i didn’t get a return ticket the same night in yeshwantpur express. My mangalore travel mate, gave me Mayura’s no. where i booked the room over phone. We reached KS around 5 am and found Mayura very near to busstop. We just collapsed and slept for more than 2 hours and then took bath and went to the temple. It was trayodashi, i was glad, the days we had chosen didn’t fall on dashami, ekadashi, gokulasatami and shivarathiri, as mentioned in the temple notice board. We just went with flowers and found no takers for flowers, i decided, i would rather give 50 to poojari so that he could accept the flowers. I got no peace, it was crowded, it was disturbing, and i felt bad after coming out.

It was just 10:30, i decided to go to dharmasthala and we went there. They were playing lalitha and somehow this time, i chose to close my eyes to poojaris and felt my heart melting to lord out there. I decided to chuck off trayodashi and ended up having lunch in dharmasthala’s annapoorna. It was close to 4 when we came back. We came to Mayura, rested for a while and then decided to explore KS. We walked uphill, amidst scenic KS. It was raining, the houses were constructed on the hill slopes and slowly the modern houses gave way to thatched ones, slowly to wilderness. We walked till it got dark and we reached a well that was fenced and decided to walk back. Only then, we realized, we had climbed up so much, the valleys on one side were to so deep and the creeky noises of the crickets and the jungle eeriness crept on to me. Everything in rain was so pristine pure like a freshly bathed trembling girl.

Day 2

I knew the train was only at 10 pm and KS temple didn’t beckon me. We skipped our breakfast and were lounging in Mayura watching the rain patter and solving Sudoku from DC. Mom had put the charger in the headphones socket and hence i was neither able to receive calls nor call anyone. At last Mayura folks got it repaired for us. Mom wanted to go to temple before lunch, but i dragged her to hotel where we had lunch.

We went back, took an umbrella and decided to walk. We found Mahaganapathi temple on the way and next to it was vana durga devi temple, where i went due to my astro mentor. We used to fight, because, i refused to say vana durga manthra which he insisted that i should. We walked further down and reached kumara dhara. Water was dirty, yet not so dirty, it was cool, people were buying poris, mom got 2 pori packets and suddenly the whole bank was swarming with fishes. So many fishes, it was all black in sringeri, here it was brownish gray. I got so lost in feeding the fishes and made mom buy 2 more packets and watched the fishes swarming and zooming by, and swiftly cruising underneath once poris got over. I wanted to play in the running water, take bath rather and found another set of steps, where no one was there.

The security for the dressing room, said, folks used come bellege to take bath. So i got down into water and just sprinkled my head with water and came out. While we were there, we found so many marriage invitation cards being washed in the river. It was for a june 3rd marriage, some reddy. I mentally blessed those couple for a happy married life and a son, only then, i found, there were simply too many cards for it be considered the left over extra cards. It was due to a marriage that didn’t take place.

I walked back, towards the forest instead of going to Mayura. It was 2:15 pm and we decided to walk till 3:15 pm towards the forests. It was an awesome forest, with birds chirping well in advance, when some vehicle was coming, it gave a sense of spookiness. I got a bit adventurous, walking where ever the path led. At last i wanted water and found a place where they had some sodas and drank that. Only while returning, we had a breathtaking panoramic view. Clouds were touching the hills and it was plain grass with few bushes strewn here and there. It was cinematic and so scenic that i was enthralled. Suddenly, mom decided, that we need to rush back, since a lorry had come too close to us with arms flailing around. We hitchhiked back in a milk jeep and took another auto for the rest of the journey.

Back to blore

It was 7 pm, when we decided to gobble some dinner. This time, i felt i needed to see KS temple. When i was in 7th, it used to be muruga constantly on my lips, I frankly don’t know when i started with Shiva. So we went in there and this time, i felt some force, i felt overwhelmed with divinity. I had proper darshan, that lingered for some extra time and i prayed for everyone and it was 8:30 pm. We had to vacate the room and have dinner as well. We didn’t wait for annadhana and ate in same kumarakripa and boarded a jeep back to station. There was no light leading to the station and it was pitch dark with odd headlights of vehicles zooming by in the opposite direction.

As i reflect back, it was a charming place. I had not seen emeralds shine as brightly as those verdant leaves shivering like a nubile seraph out there in the rain. Not in patches, the sylvan surroundings were all over, engulfing us, immersing us in its fecundity everywhere our eyes settled. It was truly breathtaking, so awe inspiring, so inviting for just being one with Mother Nature.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Why do people scale heights?

After a long time, I went for walking with mom tonight. Mom had traveled this whole day and hence she asked to cut short the walk. That happened to be at the cross road that took us to the water tank.

The sight of the huge 100+ feet water tank, made me nostalgic. Rewinding back to 5th standard.

Narmada and Nazreen were my friends and we three finished our last exam and were walking back from school. Those days the area around water tank was full of mango trees. We wanted to explore the mango grove and I ended up climbing up the water tank. It was around 3-4 pm. The OFT high school folks saw my Kendriya Vidyalaya uniform and the matter was informed to the school. They came to the tank, beckoned me down, my name and mother’s name was obtained. I didn’t know to lie and ended up giving my mother’s real name.

A small kid like me climbing the water tank became a hoopla for our locality. My madam Sugandhavalli made me write impositions 500 times that my hand hurt. Other teachers reprimanded me in every class. Narmada was transferred to another school. Every house where I happened to go those few days secretly whispered that I climbed the tank and I cringed at that thought. Had I been a guy, it would not have been a problem. The last time I climbed the tank was after 3 idiots, to see Sep 5. Am wondering, why do I climb water tanks and small hills. Simply because it is there. But why? True strength is not courage but lack of fear. But am filled with full blind courage and old climbers’ fear. Deadly combination.

While coming back to my cross, I passed through Nazreen’s house. Being Sunday, a strong biryani smell was permeating the whole neighbourhood from her house. My mouth watered, and I ended up buying top ramen even after 8 pm to satiate my tongue. Need to go see Nazreen and her baby daughter soon.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

My experience with Vipassana Meditation

I always used to wonder about things in general so much so that, when I worked in CTS, my colleagues used to ask me, why do you start your sentences with “I am wondering”. I was always religious in the naamkevaas sense. Till 7th standard for everything I used to say Muruga Muruga, later I don’t know how it got changed to Shiva Shiva, so much so that, people around me used to laugh, when I said Shiva Shiva. I had Shiva to help my movements due to my replaced hip whenever I sat or arose up and walked over the tiles. Now, I respect the common inner meaning in all religions or even atheism, how profound is this meaning and how united are all religions in universal love. Now I sense why film makers make the same old love stories and yet make profit.

Garuda puranam mentioned the origin of all diseases, but the pdf file I read, gave nothing for the 6 accidents/ hip injuries I sustained repeatedly. I used to wonder why, now I got the answer thanks to vipassana. Subconsciously I have been inviting them thanks to my previous karmas. Thanks to the goodness and love prevailing around with abundant mercy, I have now come to realize the origin and cause of all things, its merely a matter of meditating to seek the answers. I have also realized the importance of seeking such beautiful knowledge with right, proper divine goals in mind for everyone’s well being and self improvement. Hence, I have realized why these mathematicians and geniuses went mad as well.

After the end of 9 days in the vipassana center, I removed all my earrings, anklets, chain, my ring, purse and offered the same to a great soul with my father’s name, begging so that I can become a buddhist nun. He said, what foolishness, and refused to accept it. Even I felt, why should I beg, I will live the life of a Buddhist nun wherever I am. I meditated for a while and realized my purpose in life was different. If we think answers come from within, it does, if we think external, then also yes; for our results are a mixture of these two. Now, I will take life as it comes with complete awareness.

How did vipassana happen?

Being a devotee of almighty, I used to travel 6 hours one way for Thirvuvanamalai girivalam on full moons whenever it was possible. Unlike other full moons, I travelled last December for karthigai deepam with an exchange student who was studying law. While I was concerned for his safety, it so happened that my purse and mobile were stolen in that trip and he happened to lend me his money. He was planning for Vipassana the next day in Chennai. So I should thank him and the prof.
Back in the institute, I always struggled with vipassana, but in March and April, I had the divine opportunity of meditating in dhyana Kendra thanks to friend’s wedding in Gobi, staying for a while in ramana ashram, going to virupaksha cave thanks to another prof. I lost track of time till May; my family tells me that I was without food for more than a week. Now I realize everything happens in time with proper efforts now and for good. Am glad now and I wish, everyone is blessed with greater joy and bliss.

Now I understand the meaning of Maharshi Ramana’s remarks to a question asked by a Malayalee devotee in 1930s. Devotee asks, is not social service better than sitting and meditating. Maharshi replies, the sea is not aware of its own waves and the soul is not aware of its own ego. How profound is this reply. May all the good souls bless this universe with love and mercy and happiness.